The Final Girls


An absurdly hilarious and affectionate love song to every 80's slasher movie ever made. Horror/comedy is often a difficult bag, but this worked better than most. I found myself grinning insanely throughout, although the movie severely lacks the 'horror' element. The 'Meta' aspect of this movie is effectively executed, even if there is no real resolution or explanation. The acting is very solid across the board, and the movie has a well done emotionally resonate core. Immensely enjoyable.

B

Ouija

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Formulaic and by the numbers. Some decent scares, but the plot and characterization is severely lacking and obviously marketed towards tween-aged add monkeys who do not have time to invest in thinking about the spectacle. The film's twists break down the more thought you invest in the film. In fact, the more you think about this film, the worse it gets. I would avoid.

D

Goodnight Mommy

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More of a psychological horror film than anything else. It lingers a bit too long in the setup aspects, considering the elements are extremely predictable. There are some societal differences between Austria and America that might infuriate some viewers. The horror is effectively horrific when the last act kicks in. Beautifully acted, directed and shot, with some effective tension building, but the predictability lesses the impact.

C+

The Green Inferno

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Horrible things happening to horrible people. It's hard to relate to any of these characters from the onset, and by the time they find themselves part of a cannibal bouquet, you almost want them to suffer. Especially since the first part of the film takes such a meandering detour setting up the premise. It is beautifully shot, vibrantly filmed and colored, and the gore is exceptional gore, but it is pretty much empty calories. The torture and suffering of the characters is certainly horrible, if you are into that. I am not.

D

The Hallow

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Starts off as every 'family moves to isolated creepy place in the countryside' film, embraces those tropes and commits itself to doing it RIGHT. Mysterious neighbors giving ominous warnings? Check. Strange creepy creatures? Check. Local mythology? Check. Child in peril? Triple, nay, quadruple, check. Manages to mix body horror, creepy mythology and dark fantasy grounded in realism with a visually engaging and emotionally resonate film. The practical effects are top notch, creating some damn effective creatures. A slow start heavy on character building works in a nice horror amalgam that ROCKS the third act and leaves you wanting more.

B+

Re-Kill

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This movie is unashamedly Starship Troopers replacing aliens with zombies and packaged as a reality program. Like its predecessor, the sociopolitical commentary is subtle as a sledgehammer with rabies but it's surprisingly well done, with some intense action sequences and hilarious 'commercials'. The action direction is too much shaky-cam, inline with how the movie is presented, but annoying. There is no real effort made to expand characterizations beyond cliches, which isn't important anyway as the characters are indistinguishable. Not a great film, but gory, humorous, action-packed, and WAY more fun than expected.

B

Tales of Halloween

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As mentioned previously, anthology horror can be a mixed bag. I would certainly rate most of the ten horror shorts in this collection entertaining, but none of them scary. Some segments work better than others, I enjoyed several and at least one twisted my expectations. However, most of the film panders to a juvenile mentality, which has moments of fun, but gets old quickly.

C+

Insidious 3

Jump scares! We got your Jump Scares here! Discordant piano-infused Jump Scares! We don't need any other techniques but Jump SCaaaaresss!!!! Sigh. Well-acted, prettily filmed, but predictable beyond measure. 'Action' sequences are unintentionally hilarious. This film goes for a far more sentimentality and emotion than previous chapters, to good effect, but it cannot really help the law of diminishing returns, in which every technique from the previous films is rehashed and recycled beyond reason. Better than part 2, not as good as part 1.

C

The Taking of Deborah Logan

A heart-wrenching examination of mental deterioration mixed with increasingly terrifying events. A rare gem in the found footage category and an excellent horror movie on every level. Jill Larson's powerhouse performance elevates this movie into the realm of exceptional, presenting a stark look at the horror of Alzheimer's in conjunction with the most effective found footage presentation since the Blair Witch Project. When the creepy begins, it does not let up. There may be one or two holes in the narrative, but it is inline with the character's experiences. One too many jump scares and the plot recycles itself once or twice but highly, utterly recommended.

A

The Shrine

Nice! An unexpectedly entertaining film that begins seemingly as one type of horror and subverting expectations. A slow buildup gives way to a crazy 3rd act, in which patiently laid plot elements come to fruition. While low budget, the quality of filmmaking and storytelling overcome some dodgy special effects and silly dialogue. Nothing revolutionary, but well made, creepy, effective, and ultimately a wild ride. (Warning: if you know polish, twists will be spoiled well ahead of time).

B+

June

Someone should have told the filmmakers they were not making a Terrence Malick film. While filled with beautiful shots, somehow this movie makes occult rituals involving a wildly telekinetic demon-possessed little girl seem dull and uninteresting. The acting is pretty decent, even the younger actress, but the script is convoluted and confusing while rehashing and remixing elements of far better films.

D

Thanatomorphose

Utterly foul. I have a high tolerance and threshold for horrible things, this made me come close to shutting it off out of sheer, vile, bile-inducing putridness. I might be more charitable if there was semblance of a story, arc, characterization, intelligence, etc. It is nothing but watching a a horrible person slowly rot from the inside out. Poorly shot, dimly lit, horrible characters, bad writing, no plot, in fact, the only 'good' thing is how disgusting the effects are. This is like a student demo reel for zombie effects. Would not inflict this upon my enemies.

F

Crimson Peak

Visually stunning and filled to the brim with gothic melodrama. very much a Hammer film throwback. While the ghosts are certainly creepy, the characters flat out warn you: This is not a ghost story, this is a gothic romance where a ghost or two might show up. Unfortunately film is very predictable and the villains almost cartoonishly portrayed, especially once the last act kicks in and things go a bit crazy. But the acting is solid, the direction impeccable, and I enjoyed myself throughout. Even in the lull periods of this film, it is a visual feast to satisfy any discriminating eyeballs.

B

NeverLake

Rather entertaining for a low budget film, surprising turns and demonstrating some originality. If anything, there's a little too much happening in the last act, as they mix medical horror, supernatural visitations, etruscan mythology, and other elements in a manic hodgepodge. The rationale behind the villain is a little nonsensical, stretching credulity more than once, and elements of the plot recycle themselves. The main actress is good, but she gets shackled with some cringeworthy lines and recites Shelley in voice over narrations that come off more pretentious than anything else. Still, flaws aside, I'd recommend this. Good pacing, decent performances, and takes a stab at being something original.

C+

Last Shift

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Yes. Creepy and effective. The kind of low budget that disguises frugality with competence. As the majority of the movie is carried by actress Juliana Harkavy she deserves some major credit here. While not always a perfect example of good writing (I'm looking at you exposition hooker), and too reliant on tropes, the story unveils at a steady pace, tension and suspense are steadily ratcheted, scares well executed, and the creeps are CREEPY. Nothing too terribly original, and certainly not without flaws, but very effectively executed.

B+

The Lazarus Effect

Don't waste your time, go rent Flatliners and watch that. If you've already seen it, give it a re-watch. This seems like a music video retread of that same material geared towards the ADHD crowd who have no time for sense, plot, intelligence, character development or emotional connection. The movie is slick-looking and well shot, with one or two creepy moments, and the leads are talented enough, especially Olivia Wilde. She does the best with cliches upon cliches, and certainly does an awesome 'evil daemonic bitch', but her talents are wasted here. One or two cool moments do not outweigh the thoroughly preachy and predictable script. Jump scares only work when you don't expect them.

D+

Pontypool

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THIS is why I wade through the crap. On the surface, this is a low budget zombie film, looking deeper you will find it to be unique and original premise rife with social commentary without preachiness. Spearheaded by great performances and confident direction, I could compliment the cinematography, the pacing, the acting, the writing, the direction, but I will simply say: there is not a feature I found lacking. Considering 95% of this film takes place within a claustrophobic radio booth, the ease by which they convey apocalyptic events unfolding intertwined with intimate and emotional beats is a testament to the film's solid writing and directing. While short on action, gore, and 'scares' it manages to provide samples of each while leaving the majority of the horror elements to unfold within your mind. Taut, intelligent, darkly humorous and equally disturbing, this is a thinking and psychological horror film that leaves you pondering the implications.

A+

From the Dark

There could have been a damn good horror film in here somewhere, with a simple setup and premise, a mundane setting turned horrific and a creepy monster. While low budget, it makes decent use of this limitation and actually looks good for the most part. The inherent problem with this movie is that the main characters are unlikable. From the moment they appear, they are bickering annoyances consistent in their behavioral stupidity. So when they find themselves under siege and tortured by a vampire, I found myself more supportive of the vampire. Speaking of which, it's nice to see a horrific vampire again. No tweenage metaphors, no vampire-zombie hybrids (Vambies/Zompires?), just a nasty feral Nosferatu with a major light aversion. Unfortunately as a result, the movie is dark to the point of obscurity, blurry and undefined, and confusingly edited. Too much reliance on genre tropes (car stuck in the mud, jump scares, no cell reception, lightsaber flashlights, idiot ball plot, etc) and with moments that are unintentionally funny, ((the first attack is the same as the first attack in Jaws, but in a mud puddle about waist high)). There is some actual horror in the middle, but it's too much of a slog to get to. If you're a vampire fan you might want to take a look, but other than that I can't really recommend.

D+

Pickman's Muse

There is low budget, and then there is no budget. This is the latter. This is a hybrid lovecraft adaptation between "Pickman's Model" and "The Haunter of the Dark", but unless you are very familiar with the source material it is irrelevant. The acting is atrocious. The script is atrocious. The directing is pretty foul, with a couple of above-average setting and atmosphere shots. Every shot is over-saturated and indistinct. While elements from the original story are still pretty creepy and engrossing, and the director does an admirable attempt at evoking the lovecraftian atmosphere of unknown dread, everything plays out by-the-numbers bad horror tropes. One of the characters even comments on this, "It feels like I'm in a horror novel I've read a thousand times". At least he didn't have to watch this movie.

F

(D if you are a Lovecraft completionist/fanatic)

Maggie

Not sure I would call Maggie a horror film. Yes, it is a tragic drama set against a zombie backdrop, but it could almost be any wasting illness story. The focus was far from horror aspects, and more about coming to terms with grief and inevitability. There is a profound sadness in this movie carried on the acting shoulders of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Abigail Breslin, both who do incredible jobs. Those looking for zombie action, look elsewhere, as this is a somber, intimate and personal film showcasing the acting chops of both leads. That being said, unless you feel like wallowing in a slow melancholy art-house take on grief disguised as a zombie infection, I'd avoid this. A well-made film that is depressing to endure.

B