F*** you Ridley Scott.
F*** you for doing your damnedest to destroy your own legacy in creating Alien.
F*** you for taking the most iconically 'alien' life form ever represented on film, and reducing the Alien to the lab experiment of a pretentious and existentially confused Michael Fassbender.
F*** you for doubling down on the stupidity that was Prometheus.
F*** you for forgetting the Space Jockey and treating us to 'Engineers'
F*** you for taking any interesting potential about the Engineers and ignoring it in favor of aforementioned Michael Fassbender's existential and robosexual confusion.
F*** you for casting Fassbender, as he's compelling enough an actor to almost make this watchable.
F*** you for deciding the only thing Alien needed was more 'burster' types. Back-Bursters, Throat Bursters... I'm surprised the Ass-Weasels from "Dreamcatcher" didn't make an appearance here.
F*** for basically repeating the exact Alien film formula over and over as you simultaneously tarnish and trash its legacy and future.
F*** you for still being a talented director visually, because some how that makes all your above sins so much worse.
F*** you for thinking you have anything left to contribute to this franchise.
F*** you for your attempts to destroy it.
Split
This movie is the equivalent of stoner philosophy: delusional enough to think its smorgasbord of zany ideas are worth profound consideration and presented with utter conviction. This movie primarily exists for showcasing the amazing acting prowess of James McAvoy and pretending M. Night Shyamalan is still relevant. To be fair, he's far from horrible behind the lens, capable of creating wonderful and unique shots, crisp and clear action and, amazing scenes of tension and suspense. Unfortunately he then wastes these opportunities with unlikable protagonists who; frankly, after self-thwarting or obliviously missing their 5th possible escape route, deserve their fates. There are interesting ideas presented, with a decent enough framing for loads of exposition, but the characters act uniformly moronic. Shyamalan proves again he can be a extremely talented director that should simply be kept from the script writing process. I am actually somewhat irked that this is considered a finished movie, as it has no real resolution and never quite finishes. It feels incomplete and in fact, the signature 'twist' from Shyamalan is the lack of resolution and closure is infuriatingly purposeful. Beyond the amazing performances, direction and a smattering of interesting ideas this movie barely qualifies an actual movie.
D+
Annabelle Creation
I admire the sheer abundance of classic and modern cliches employed in this film. This movie follows James Wan's standardized horror template: initial character building moments giving way to subtle creepy sequences that soon abandon reason and credibility in a balls-out supernatural showdown. This movie sets up numerous potential victims, a veritable motley of waif like orphans to torment with no real attempt or need to distinguish between them. The director understand this, placing the main character in various degrees of physical handicap to make sure she's distinct from the others. There's a pleasant bleakness to proceedings, especially if you're forearmed with knowledge from the buildup films. You know bad things are going to happen, and no attempt is made to subvert your expectations beat by predictable beat. There's a ridiculously unsubtle sequence to link and launch this film into other franchises, and a post-credits stinger that only serves to induce rage. On the whole, its a visually pretty iteration of a tired formula, slightly better than its predecessor but pretty much exhausting everything you can do with this damned doll.
C
Wish Upon
This movie is an inoffensive, forgettable mess making me wonder how it got greenlit without major revisions on the script. There is not one fright, fear, chill or terror to be found with the possible exception of a soundtrack that wields weaponized cacophony. Imagine deaf studio executives plotting which pop music knockoffs would most appeal to teenage girls. Autotune fans rejoice! This whole movie is how those same executives must imagine high school and cynically (but incompetently) figuring out how to best target the tween-age horror demographic. I would offer some advice on this front: A. Do not make your protagonist unlikable, petty and selfish to the point you wish any of the film's various deaths on her rather than the victims. B. Horror requires including something horrific onscreen. At best there's an attempt at dragging out suspense on extremely telegraphed deaths. The deaths themselves range from mildly entertaining to aggressively dumb, with a PG-13 rating assuring that nothing truly horrible will make its way to your eyeballs. The saddest part here is the wasted talent in direction and acting. The shots are competent, the lighting and framing is good, the visuals are decent and the cast is pretending they're in a better movie. There was plenty of money thrown on the screen to create a film so ultimately bland and forgettable it is not even worthy the F of pure failure.
D
Gerald's Game
Mike Flannigan continues to be my favorite working horror writer/director, and this movie is a testament to why. It is a movie that shouldn't work based on a novel that shouldn't work, and yet... it excels, perfectly adapting the novel's inner voices and monologues through intelligent script, masterful performances and fantastic directing. This is at the core a worst case survival scenario, and Flannigan expertly frames each shot or sequence so simple pauses can be layered with subtext and foreshadowing; dark shadows and simple glances hint at unseen horrors. If you've seen Oculus you know how deftly he maneuvers between hallucination and memory, executes visual metaphors and slowly ratchets tension and suspense to excruciating levels. Gugino is consistently a gem in her roles, and a pleasure to watch even as she is forced to undergo terrifying physical and psychological torment. When things get dark, creepy or gruesome, this movie does not flinch. Each fright is built, earned and justified but while there is gore and creepy sights, but this is far more a psychologically haunting tale about personal demons. The end gets a little heavy handed in an epilogue coda, but otherwise this is a horrifying tale amazingly well executed.
A
Cult of Chucky
This movie issues a sneaky meta warning at the onset: if you are not on drugs or a devoted fan (likely both), this may not be the movie for you. This is a gloriously gonzo movie taking a premise already stretched too far into new and exciting heights of absurdity. For fans of the series, there are subtle (and not so subtle) callbacks to each child's play movie. This movie abandons the serious tone of the last entry, embracing the maniacal nature of the killer doll, and doubling, nay trippling down on the wackiness. There are some rather entertaining kills, and admittedly, the contrast of red blood against the muted colors of the asylum setting is visually festive. Everyone acting seems to be having a ludicrous amount of fun in how ridiculous it all is, with Jennifer Tilly there to collect her paycheck. There's a self-awareness involved in this entry that actually makes this movie far more fun than it deserves to be and infuses enough life into the franchise to assure Chucky's rampage has no end in sight.
C
The Void
The Void is a viscera splattered throwback to 80's VHS horror with a rocking marketing campaign. The filmmakers wear unapologetic love for Carpenter, Barker, Fulci and Lovecraft on gore stained sleeves creating a relentless siege of increasingly horrific sights. Grisly, gruesome and quite the showcase of practical horror effects, there are truly disturbing visions on display with ambitious ideas driving them. The actors aren't always great but certainly committed, even as the low budget shows through. The filmmakers are skilled enough to work within their limitations and amazing practical effects, but as the movie trips down the rabbit hole of insanity it becomes simultaneously more ambitious and muddled. None of it really makes sense and degenerates into cosmic horror cliches and without the budget to realize some larger ambitions. What it does manage to accomplish it accomplishes effectively, and the payoff is not without impact and a nice bleakness befitting its inspiration. This is an intense ride and gorehounds or fans of weird cosmic horror should not pass this one up.
B
Life
This is a solid C+ movie elevated by a stellar cast, exquisite direction, cinematography, and an absolutely wicked creature. This movie was the Alien successor I so desperately desired even as Ridley Scott has been hellbent on destroying his xenomorph legacy. Granted, this movie apes sequences from Alien almost verbatim, but does so with care and and careful framing. The film's visuals are a treat, before and after the creature's appearance, the zero-g sequences and shots of the space station in particular are stunning. The direction and great cast manages to elevate a pretty cliched script, along with the strength of a fantastic creature design and amazing visual effects. You can glean its intelligence, appraisal, and alien nature from slight motion and movement, survival decisions, prioritization, etc. Unfortunately, nothing else in the script is quite as intelligent as the creature. There is no shortage of space disaster tropes, and supposedly very smart people doing extremely dumb things. But while this movie is far from original, and filled with head-scratching moments from some of its characters; this movie isn't trying to reinvent the wheel or the genre, simply re-skinning it with a very nasty creature, very pretty visuals, and unafraid to go as dark as needs be.
B
Voice from the Stone
Voice from the Stone attempts a gothic atmospheric supernatural tale, but fails to engage spectacularly. The setting of 1950's Tuscany offers a slight scenic diversion from most horror, but the majority of the movie takes place in drearily lit rooms. The only thing this film really has going for it is the location and Emilla Clarke's eyebrows. Clarke's eyebrows have taken acting lessons ignored by the rest of her body as they express the full gamut of an emotional response the rest of her performance lacks. She wavers between three modes in this movie: Haughty sternness, shiny-eyed uncertainty, and vulnerable; pretty much exhausting her acting capabilities. The direction is decent, creating atmospheric shots of gloomy corridors and flickering candlelight, but the movie itself is dull and boring beyond reason. While the twist at the end of the movie is telegraphed from the opening scene, but there are leaps in logic and holes in the narrative so extreme it could be argued parts of the script were never delivered before filming. Avoid, except as an object lesson.